Outside the Circle

Recently, I heard someone speak about being "outside of the circle." This particular circle was a symbol for the world and all the ordinary things happening at any given moment. The person talking was speaking of grief. While she grieved outside of the circle, she watched everyone inside continue with their every day lives.

This same phenomenon seems to be happening to me as we journey through the adoption process. Everyone else continues with their day-to-day lives, and I am stuck slogging through the knowledge that children are abandoned every day all over the world. Children are left in orphanages with too few workers, too few resources, and too many other children. Children with minor handicaps and special needs die because they receive little to no medical care. Even the "healthy" children suffer from parasites and disease.

I stare out at the overcast sky, sitting at my computer in my comfortable home wondering where my daughter is at this moment. Is she lying abandoned by the road, in a park, or by a building? Is she tired, cold, and hungry? Has anyone ever hugged her, kissed her, or told her that she is loved?

At the earliest, we could be traveling at the end of the year to meet our girl. At the earliest, it could be six, seven, eight months before she knows the circle of her mother's arms. Even then, how long will it take for her to know me as mama. Mama, the woman who will never leave her or let her go hungry. The woman who will give her countless kiss and hugs and I love yous.

When she is home, our family circle will be complete.