Wok and Roll

We made a little more progress this week. On Tuesday, we received our visas to enter China. Our visas are good for ten years, with a maximum stay of 90 days per trip. I'm sure we can squeeze in one more adoption and a couple of heritage trips in that time frame. ;)

Also, this week, our Article 5 was dropped off at the consulate in Guangzhou and will be picked up March 17. Once this step is complete, we will be rolling right along to Travel Approval and scheduling our appointment at the consulate.

I am still hopeful that we will travel around April 9, but it is possible that we will get pushed back a week. It all depends how quickly our approvals come through and how fast we can get an appointment at the consulate.

To stay busy, I have been practicing my chopstick skills (I can pick up chunky items) and my (sort of) authentic Chinese cooking. Tonight, I will attempt shrimp fried rice in my brand new wok.

GUZ now, PDF later

Even with all the snowy weather causing delays across the country, the Visa center in New Hampshire received our immigration approval for Ava and has issued our GUZ number.

The number is more or less our case number for the US consulate in Guangzhou. Now, we wait for a PDF file of the letter New Hampshire sends to Guangzhou so we can wait for some other paperwork to be completed.

Come on PDF! Mama needs a TA and a CA!

UPDATE!!

The PDF arrived this morning. 

Approximate Gotcha date is April 13, which means our sweetie will be home before her birthday in May. 

Pan's Labyrinth

I am (will be?) the mama of Ava Pan-Yi Speary. Pan Yi is Ava's Chinese first and middle name. It is pronounced "Pahn" unlike the pan you would cook with. After some googling and translating, it appears the Chinese characters translate to "Hope According to" or "Hope Depends on." This name was given to Ava by the orphanage.

I wonder if her birth mother named her and what her name was before she became Pan. I wonder if her birth mother is alive and if she wonders about her daughter. There are so many questions surrounding Pan's early days, and there so many answers that we may never have. It hurts my heart that Ava Pan-Yi may never find these answers.

There is so little we know of little baby Pan. Even her birthdate is an estimate. 

Let that sink in.

We are lucky. She has lived in an orphanage that is part of the Half the Sky program in China. Half the Sky trains the nannies, supplies toys, and encourages love and care and education for the children. The orphanage regularly takes pictures of the children. We will receive a book from them with photos of her life. I'm praying for newborn photos of Pan. 

One of our jobs as Ava Pan-Yi's parents will be to allow her to grieve and navigate the maze of feelings regarding her life. She has lost her birth family, her first name, and her birthday. She will soon lose the only home she has ever known, her care takers, and her friends. While she will be gaining a new life, it would be wrong not to acknowledge her losses, her feelings. I will show her that she is not alone in her grief. I will cry with her when she is sad. I will rage with her when she is angry. Because it is ok. It is ok to feel the injustices... to writhe around in them for a while. But then I will show her Hope. I will show her love. She doesn't have to carry the pain alone anymore. She is part of a family, a team. It's not her against the world. It is US against the world. 

Many of our family and friends (you) have asked about celebrating Ava when she comes home. While we appreciate your excitement and desire to love our Ava, we are planning to cocoon our little girl. That means we will stay in our home with her for several months with minimal interaction with the outside world. She does not know what having a family means. We must teach her. We will be playing bonding games, forming attachments, and earning her trust. We will be adjusting to new routines and the new normal of a family of five. When she is ready, we will take baby steps into the world. She will go to the park. She will help me buy groceries or drop the boys off at school. Then, maybe Jacob, Ava, and I will play in the nursery at church. We will visit with grandparents and family.

If you want to help, start by praying for us. Pray that Todd and I will have patience and wisdom. Pray that the boys will be accepting and kind. And pray that Ava will open her heart to us. 

盼依

Thankful

Wow, I am so thankful to have an update on our little Ava. Not only did we receive some new photos, but we were also given her measurements and other tidbits of information about her.

Even with email and the internet making updates relatively easy for us, some families do not receive any updates of their child. In some cases, the information they have is several years old!

I am thankful for the bits and pieces I know of Ava and her past.

^an older photo from 2013?

I am thankful she has warm clothes and food to eat.

^Ava chowing down on a hardboiled egg.

I am thankful that her nannies show her affection and teach her.

^Ava reading a book with one of her ayis.

I am thankful that hugs give her comfort and that while she has a small appetite she enjoys eating snacks. (That sounds a lot like two little boys I know).

Emotional basket case, party of one

Yesterday, I snipped at Todd because of the way he adjusted the settings on the radio in our van. He asked me if it really made a difference. 

Yes, I told him. It makes a difference because I'm FREAKING OUT that our approval still has not reached our agency office. I can't control anything about this process, and all I can control IS THE RADIO. 

Then my phone rang. Literally. It rang right then. It was our agency rep. Our approval arrived at their office.

I told Todd he could do whatever he wanted with the radio. He asked if it was worth all the worry? And I said, "The worry made it happen." And he gave me "the look" and I laughed sheepishly.

Yesterday, we also participated in a conference call with five other families and our agency's China program director to discuss travel.

We ended the call with a few questions to mull over. The most important being which airport do we fly out of and which city do we fly to? Since we cannot fly directly to Ava's city of Changsha, we need to decide if we want to fly to Beijing, Shanghai, or Guangzhou. 

Beijing offers many wonderful sight-seeing opportunities; however, that means we need to leave 3 days sooner which means we would be away from our boys three days longer. It is also the most economical option.

A good friend who may be travelling at the exact same time as us will be flying to Shanghai where her daughter lives. So if we flew there, we could even be on the same flight!

And then there is Guangzhou. Guangzhou is one of the most (if not THE most) cosmopolitan city in China. It is also the same city where every American adoptive family ends their trip. The United States consulate in Guangzhou processes the visas for children adopted to Americans. Guangzhou is also the most expensive flight option... but it may be the most fun.

Across the Pearl River from Guangzhou is Shamian Island. It is a colonial oasis perfect for walks and respite from the hustle and bustle of the big city. I canNOT wait to go there.

As I mentioned before, our Ava lives in Changsha. Changsha is the capital of the Hunan province which is known for its spicy foods. We look forward to learning as much as we can about Ava's city and its rich history. Recorded history of this area dates back 3,000 years! Also, it is a very large city. Changsha's urban area has over 3 million inhabitants. The greater municipality has over 7 million residents. 

Drumroll please...

I'm typing this with shaking hands. Big news... The CCCWA has issued our approval for Ava after 65 days!

So what is next?

We submit our I800 form to USCIS to obtain approval to bring Ava home. We also request our Visas, travel approval, and date to complete the adoption in Guangzhou.

I don't know how to express the light shining out of my pores at this moment. My little girl is coming home!!

And here she is... Adam's little sister... Jacob's "twin" and our little daughter.

This is the first photograph that I saw of her, and I knew she was meant to be ours.

Glory! Glory! "Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?"

Are we there yet?

I keep forgetting the old saying, "life is a journey not a destination." Instead, I keep saying, "once this milestone is reached, everything will be better/easier/happier, etc." And then I forget to enjoy the crazy moments and embrace the chaos.

I have a count on my calendar so that I can keep count of the days we have spent waiting for our approval from China. We are on day 43, by the way. Only 1-40 more days to go! But once we reach that goal, once we have our Letter of Acceptance (aka Letter Seeking Confirmation) we will begin the countdown for Travel Approval. Then the countdown for the travel. Then the countdown for gotcha day. Then the countdown for flying home. Then the countdown for maybe just one more?... it never ends.

So here are some of the parts of our journey that I don't want to forget...

The friends- the adoption community is amazing. I have met so many amazing people through adoption groups. They get it. They go crazy during the waits, they celebrate the milestones, and they pray for and advocate for the thousands of sweet kids who still need a family. Not to mention, they shop and nest and dream of their little one on the other side of the planet. They struggle...files are lost or inexplicably given to a different agency. Sometimes their dogs eat important documents and gift packages for their child get lost in the mail. They know that when you get set back a day, it isn't JUST a day. It's a day longer you have to wait before you hold your child.

Kid moments- my boys are busy being boys. They fight with each other, help each other, and grow and learn new things every day. Jacob's new favorite phrase is "go away" which he learned from his big brother. It's always fun to hear it as I am chasing him around after bath...he's dripping water, squealing and shrieking "go away, mommy." Thankfully we have moved on from his Frozen phase. I don't know if I could have taken hearing "Let it Go" one more time... although, it was a good reminder to let some things go. Adam is reading and becoming more independent. He takes toys away from Jacob, taunts him, and then sits patiently and reads him a story or helps him put a puzzle together. He is a great big brother... sometimes.

My husband- Todd is so patient when I tell him about the kids who have grabbed my heart and the stories of other families who are now home. He's there when I am pulling my hair out because dinner is on the verge of burning, but Jacob needs to be held and Adam's computer game has locked up and he needs to use the bathroom but doesn't want to go all by himself. He hunts. He cheers for college football and makes kefir which uses up all of our milk and stinks up the counter... he wakes me up early on Friday mornings so he can go to breakfast with his friends.  He is a huge part of my journey.... can't think of anyone I'd rather be with while navigating life.

Church- we are members of the best church. Seriously. All I ever talk about is the adoption, but they listen and smile and ask questions. I hear little anecdotes about the boys from their teachers. I help out with the 2 and 3 year olds once a month... Oh, the things they say!

So today I am not going to forget. Today I am going to enjoy the journey. I'm not going to worry about getting "there." I am going to enjoy be here.