Blarg...

Blarg... that's the sound my brain makes after the boys have been home for nine days (who's counting?) for Christmas break. They loved their presents...unfortunately, we did not buy two of everything. So they fight over almost everything. But there have been cute moments... like Adam strumming his new guitar as Jacob watches Frozen for 10,000,000th time.

Blarg... that's the sound my brain makes when USCIS sends an intent to deny letter for our home study update because they didn't bother to wait to receive it from DSS.

Blarg... that's the sound my brain makes when USCIS sends an approval letter because they received our home study update the day after they mailed the intent to deny letter.

Blarg... that's the sound my heart makes when receiving updated photos of our little Ava. She looks so beautiful and healthy and scared. I can't wait to kiss those cheeks and tickle her toes.

Blarg... that's the sound my heart makes because we are only a month into our wait for Letter of Acceptance from China. Let's hope we are halfway through our wait... and not only 1/3 or worse... Wait times average 60-80 days. We are hoping to receive our approval just before the Chinese New Year shut down. Ava's third birthday is May 9. I so want to hold her in my arms before that day.

Hope and Understanding

In Sunday School this past week, we talked about how in the Bible so many were searching for something at Christmas. Joseph was searching for truth. Harod was searching for the Christ-child. The shepherds were searching for wonder, and Mary was searching for understanding.

I think we are all searching for something this time of year... either for presents or decorations, a parking spot at the mall, or a taste of the Christmas magic we had as children.

I am searching for hope and understanding...not just for me but also for the understanding of friends and family and Ava. There are many things in life you cannot understand until you live through them. Adoption is one of those things.

I'm so very hopeful that everyone will understand that our family needs to be alone once Ava is home. I hope everyone understands when we do not want to show off our little Ava girl...that we want to keep her home in our little cocoon.

We are going to traumatize a child. Not if... not maybe... not exaggerating. We are going to traumatize Ava. Right now, she is going about the only life she has ever known...in an orphanage full of children who look like her. In a few months, a couple of large Americans are going to change her world instantly... Ava will not understand. She will not feel lucky. She will not feel rescued. We are essentially kidnapping her from her life. She will not understand what we are saying, and we will look different. We will bring her to hotels as we travel around China finalizing her adoption. She will be photographed, fingerprinted, and examined. Then we will hop on a plane where we will attempt to keep her calm and happy for a day's worth of travel.

She will be jet lagged. She will be scared. She will be hugged and kissed by family who are really just strangers.

So don't do it you say. Let her stay at the orphanage.

But I can't.

I don't really understand, but I need her. The moment I saw her face, I needed her. She is my daughter. I hope she understands one day... I hope she understands why we traumatized her and brought her to the other side of the world. I hope she understands that she is different, but that different isn't bad.

I hope she understands how much I love her when I tickle her toes and play connect-the-dots on her little feet. Oh, how I love her. I hope she will love me, too.

Adoption Pregnant

We are expecting...sometime between March and June!

In a lot of ways, adoption is like pregnancy. The waiting, the expectation, enduring physical discomfort but always with the hope of reward...a child! 

We suffered through the first trimester. The home study with interviews, personal questions, and training. We were fingerprinted and completed mountains of papers work. We endured medical exams and psych evaluations.

Now, we are sailing through the second trimester. Our dossier has left the country. And we are on day 14 of waiting for our Letter of Acceptance.  We have approximately 20-85 days to go before we get it!

Next comes the third trimester with immigration forms, applications, and travel preparations.  There is the nesting phase with room decorating, toy shopping, and clothes sorting. We will wonder what she will be like, if she will like us, and if we will love her as much as we do now (we will). We will obsess over delivery day (Gotcha Day!)... will it be as painful (and joyful) as everyone says? 

And then when we come home... oh, the adjustments! Not just for our sweet Ava, but for the boys and for us. Not only will we help Ava grieve, learn what a family is and what love is, but we all must learn how to interact as a family of five.

Will Adam continue to be the helpful big brother who loves to teach?

Will Jacob remain the mischievous younger brother who teases?

Where will Ava fit in? 

We will figure it out though. That is what families do. We make it work. It is not always pretty. It is rarely what we expect. But our life as a family will be amazing just the same. Our love will light up the darkness.

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others..." Matthew 5:15-16

Alphabet Soup

Anyone in the adoption process can tell you that you acquire a whole new language while on the journey to bring your child home. 

First, you get the homestudy and file your I800a with USCIS. Then you are fingerprinted and receive your I797. Next comes your dossier, state seals, and consulate approvals so you can become DTC. 

Then you celebrate, because DTC was a lot of work. Soon after, you are LID and waiting the long wait for LOA aka LSC. Once received, you seek TA before you can have your CA scheduled and plan for Gotcha day. 

I think we are LID at this point. That means our big batch of paperwork has been received and entered into the system in China. We now have a 2-3 month wait for our LOA (official match approval for Ava). Once we receive LOA, we start applying for visas in order to bring our girl home. We will also be able to publicly share her pictures at that point. And let me tell you, she is so beautiful. 

And if you are lost, we hope to have Ava home in 4-6 months from now. I feel like we have been saying 6 more months for the last six months, but well... That's adoption for ya. 

One step closer...

Any minute now, our agency should have our complete dossier.

We finally received the last piece of our dossier puzzle on Saturday. Our paperwork is now on its way to New York to our agency so that they can forward it to China.

***Moment of Silence***

I definitely feel a weird mixture of relief, triumph, and fear. Relief- because, let's face it, the last several months have been pretty stressful. Triumph- because we jumped some pretty big hurdles. Fear- because this is really happening now!!!

In just a few more months, we will have a new little being in our lives. There are still so many unknowns... will she like us? will she struggle to attach? will the boys like her? will there be undiagnosed medical issues? food issues? sleep issues?

I can't wait though... I can't wait to see her little face and give her hugs (against her will, if I have to). I want to love on her and teach her things. I can't wait to watch her grow!

Adoption Awareness

In honor of National Adoption Awareness Month, here are some statistics on adoption:

• In the United States, 397,122 children are living without permanent families in the foster care system.  This is roughly the same as the population of the entire country of Malta.
• Around the world, there are an estimated 153 million orphans who are living in orphanages or on the streets. This number is the equivalent to the population of Russia.
• According to the U.S. State Department, U.S. families adopted more than 7,000 children in 2012.

It takes time and the effort of many, many people to change the world. But we...YOU could change the world for one person. If you aren't familiar with the starfish story, you can read it here. It reminds me of the quote, "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."

Opening your heart to adoption is an amazing thing. Whether you open your home to foster care, domestic adoption, or international adoption, you welcome in a child who needs the love of a family. 

Please consider supporting the Superkids program which sends medical and therapy volunteers to visit children in orphanages in China. The Superkids team has met our daughter and pushed the orphanage to ready her file so that she could be adopted. 

Definitely, maybe...

I'm struggling a little...maybe a lot.

We have a stack of paperwork ready for China. It has been ready for China since Friday, October 24. We are still waiting for the home study addendum from our first agency. Why? Because the "approvals" have taken a while, and the new interagency agreement has not been received (there was already an interagency agreement but it wasn't current enough for our old agency).

So instead of being DTC (dossier to China) we are waiting...again. I sure hope all this waiting has a purpose.

During this time, I am putting together a small photo book for Ava. It will have pictures of her brothers, Todd, and me. I want to include a picture of her new home and of all the toys waiting for her.

Jacob likes to look at Ava's pictures on my phone. I have an album of her pictures, and he scrolls through pointing one by one at "Sissy." I had several photos printed to frame, but Jacob has claimed them and holds them in his grubby toddler hands... he jibber jabbers to Sissy.

A month ago, I would have said we would definitely have our log-in date (LID) with China by the end of October. Now, maybe, we will be DTC by the second week of November. Baby steps...

Here is a sneak peak at our little Ava:

This and that

Our dossier is in Washington, D.C. It should be sitting on someone's desk at the Chinese consulate. On October 27, it will be sitting on someone's desk at the adoption agency... and sometime after that we will be DTC!

Todd says I'm nesting. I dunno. I think I am simply allowing cute girl stuff into our home. Our little Ava (that's her name, Ava) has some cute little dolls, stuffed animals, and clothes. Her room will have various shades of pink and orange. There will be elephants and panda bears... I am so excited... I'm just like a mom of two boys who finally gets to shop for a girl.

I am celebrating each little milestone as it happens, but I still carry with me the weight of knowing how many more children still need families.

There is "Jesse" who has been bouncing around the shared list and other agency lists for years. Jesse recently turned 6 years old and appears healthy. Jesse's special need is a need that doesn't get talked about much. It doesn't get talked about because it makes people uncomfortable. Jesse, at this time, is not clearly defined as a girl or a boy.

Not to mention: "Janie" with scoliosis, "Doug" with a sensitive need, and "Lucas" with limb differences.

It is easy to sit back and say, "someone will adopt them." "They are receiving good care." BUT, could you begin to imagine one of your babies in an orphanage? I think of all the times that Adam had ear infections. Adam would not have had tubes in his ears if he had been an orphan. He would not have had loving arms to hold him when he had a fever or when he woke up from a nightmare.

We do not know if our Ava had someone to comfort her in the middle of the night or if she has ever gone hungry. We do not know if she gets to play outside, has her boo-boos kissed, or is told that she is loved.

I have read that the baby rooms in an orphanage are typically strangely quiet because the babies know that no one will come when they cry.

Losing It

After my latest bouts of forgetfulness, I have been working harder on being somewhat sane.

I remembered to help Adam with his homework, but I forgot his after-school cookies. We remembered to go to Adam's parent/teach conference, but I forgot his over-night bag for mimi's and papa's.

And while I am trying my best not to lose what is left of my marbles, I am also hoping and praying and crossing fingers that Fedex doesn't LOSE IT. 

It. Our dossier-- the fifteen documents that explain our entire lives from birth up until this point. It contains our medical reports, financial information, employment papers, birth certificates, and home study report. All notarized and state sealed and officially official. 

IT is on its way to a courier service in Washington, DC for the last rounds of authentication.

Dear Fedex, 

Please don't lose it.

Thanks,

Me

Goodbye Crazy Train... Hello Forgetfulville

My brain is mush.

Really... it's mush. Between the dossier gathering, notarizations, authentications, regathering documents, renotarizations, and reauthentications, and elementary school events, and preschool events... did I brush my teeth this morning?

What was I saying?

Oh yeah, mush. I can't remember anything. I think it is time for one of those giant wall calendars so I can function. Sure, I could put it all in my iPhone but that just seems like so much work. Sorry Steve Jobs.

Today, Adam had a field trip to Denver Downs (a local farm with a pumpkin patch, corn maze, and hay ride). I have no idea if I signed him up for a bagged lunch or to bring his lunch. I really hope I chose the bagged lunch or he is going to be VERY hungry when I pick him up from school today.

I also forgot to let my doctor know when and who would be notarizing my medical form (sorry, Ted).

On the bright side, I did remember to pick up Jacob from preschool this morning. I was only a few minutes later than usual.

Too bad today was Farm Day and I completely missed it.

Riding on the Crazy Train

Here I am again... waiting...

We finally did it. We were able to get all of our dossier documents. And now, Todd is in the state capital trying to get the notarizations certified. We are expecting some to be rejected because apparently some people can't do their jobs. But I digress.

It is funny when I vent my frustrations to people within the adoption community. I always receive the same response: maniacal laughter.

I told one adoptive mom that I was going to wind up in the fetal position calling for my mommy...laughter. Been there, done that. I asked the adoption agency, "how many people get to this point and just give up?" laughter... yeah. 

I hope our family has a good laugh about all of this someday long after our little girl is home. I want to tell her the stories of my stress and worry and what ifs... and then we can laugh at how it worked out so perfectly. That my sanity was not lost in vain.

I Love Spots

That's right people. I love spots.

I love big ones and small ones. I love smooth spots and hairy spots. I also love light spots and dark spots.

Why do I love spots, you ask? Because my daughter has spots. Lots of spots. But you know what? I have some spots, and I bet you do, too.

Our daughter (fingers and toes crossed at the word "daughter") has a giant congenital melanocytic nevus with multiple satellite nevi. Congenital means that it was present at birth. Melanocytic means that it is pigment based. Nevus means mole or birthmark. These birthmarks are known as CMN.

People with CMN have a slightly higher than average risk of developing melanoma in their lifetime. People with CMN can also have melanocytes (nevus cells) in their brain and/or spinal cords. The melanocytes can cause potentially life threatening conditions such as hydrocephalus and seizures.

The other challenges people with CMN face are not medical but social. Remember, nevus owners were born with their spots. Some of these spots cannot be removed due to location or size. While it may be surprising to see someone with a very large birthmark (they are rare, so most of us will not ever see one) do remember not to stare, point, laugh, or make rude remarks. People with birthmarks have feelings (and sometimes they have brothers named Adam and Jacob who are very protective of their little sisters). However, you CAN ask respectful questions.

For more information on CMN or to support research of CMN, you can find lots of helpful information through the Nevus Outreach website.

Great blog posts by parents of children with CMN:

• http://www.nohandsbutours.com/2010/01/19/a-special-need-defined-giant-congenital-nevus/
• http://asiawaitingchild.wordpress.com/2014/01/16/all-i-need-a-family-with-three-nevis-owners/
• http://www.nohandsbutours.com/2013/11/20/special-need-highlight-focus-on-congenital-nevus/

- See more at: Nevus.org

Approved and Waiting

Huge milestone today!

We received our I797 approval letter. Now if we can get our dossier completed, we can send it off for approval! Well, technically, it needs to be state sealed, then sent to the state department, then to the consulate, then to be translated. Then it can be logged in the system in order for us to receive official approval (LOA) for our daughter. 

After 5 weeks of waiting, we finally received Todd's birth certificate in the mail so that we could ship it back for a state seal. Hasn't anyone gotten the memo that I am impatient?

It is hard to believe that we started this journey in March...six long months ago. But, on the other hand, our precious little girl has been without a family for two years and four months. I am hopeful that she will be in our arms within six more months. 

Her third birthday is in May. She must be home for her birthday!

I can't wait to see her in this:

Dolls and Dresses

Is it possible to spoil a child before they are technically "yours"? Because I sure am trying.

Our sweet girl already has a few dolls, a few dresses, and a mama that can't stop looking at bedroom decorations.

We are currently waiting for PA (pre approval) from China to adopt our sweet one. Meanwhile, we are completing paperwork for our new agency and gathering documents for our dossier.

I am hoping we can be "paper ready" in the next month. That means that all of our paperwork is ready and submitted to China. Once our dossier is logged in, then all we have to do is wait for travel approval. This is so exciting!

Ok, so I lied...

I lied... well, maybe I over exaggerated when I said that adoption is hard.

I take it back.

Adoption is expensive, time consuming, and invasive. At times, it can be extremely frustrating and heart wrenching and overwhelming. But it isn't hard.

Hard is our four month old niece diagnosed with a large cyst on her brain. Hard is watching her parents come to terms with the unknown. We pray for Rayna.

Hard is a local twenty-one month old boy with juvenile myelomonocytic leukemia. We pray for Lachlan.

Adoption is a lot of things...some not so good and some amazingly awesome. But it isn't hard.

I killed a tree...

If you're looking for me, I'm over here under the pile of contracts, reference letters, and medical forms.

Adoption is hard.

No, really. It is HARD. And time consuming. And expensive.

I seriously wonder how anyone sane could possibly complete this process. And does that mean we are crazy or that we aren't ever going to reach our goal?

In the beginning, I spent close to a month putting together the initial international adoption application for the adoption agency. A MONTH! It included copies of birth certificates, medical forms, marriage licenses reference letters, background checks, and maybe a kidney. So fast forward a few months, and we completed yet another application for the Waiting Child program for Chi*na with letters and forms and documents and a liver. So fast forward a few months, and we are changing agencies so we can bring our girl home. Guess what! There is a new application with reference letters, birth certificates, marriage licenses, divorce decrees, back ground checks, and my sanity on a platter.

Oh, and have I told you about the dossier? Lord have mercy, the dossier. It sounds harmless enough... birth certificates, back ground checks, reference letters, marriage licenses, medical forms, and my stress ravaged body in the fetal position crying for my mama. Not only do we need these official forms and/or notarized letters, but they also have to be state sealed to prove the notary is legit. THEN they have to be checked by the Secretary of State or the consulate (somebody else officially official) to put their stamp of approval on the state seal.

By the time this is all over, I will have used approximately 10 billion sheets of paper.

Sorry Lorax.

Love and Faith

"Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart." Proverbs 3:3

On August 28, 2014, I saw her beautiful face for the first time.
On September 8, 2014, we received the good news that we are matched for adoption.

We are MATCHED!!!!!!!! 

I have seen so many sweet faces of waiting children and I have thought, "oh, I wish they were with our agency," or "I wish that child's file was transferable."

But then I saw a face that I could not walk away from. I saw a face that spoke directly to my heart and I knew that I would do whatever it took to bring her home.

So we are switching agencies for our daughter.

And, not only is she beyond beautiful, but she has been LOVED! Real love. She has a strong bond with her nanny, and a stranger (all the way in America) sent her a birthday cake for her second birthday and a beautiful dress. 

It's hard not to cry as I type these words... every day since we began this journey, Todd and I have prayed with our boys that their sister is being well taken care of and knows that someone loves her. SO many love her!! 

Dear God, please watch over our daughter. Keep her safe, healthy, and allow her to attach us without fear. We have faith that you will help us on this difficult journey. We are not alone. And she will never be alone again. Amen.

A Person's a Person...

Everyone matters. Everyone can make a difference.

Dr Seuss says it, so it must be true.

The Superkids Charity is an amazing example of how one person can make a difference. Superkids was founded by a mom who wanted to give back to the orphanage which provided her daughter with excellent care. Now, eight years later, Superkids comprises of physical therapists, speech therapists, and medical doctors who volunteer their time and expertise to help the orphans of China.

These volunteers bring joy and hope to children who need it. They also shed tears and pray for the children who will never know what it is like to belong to a family.

Could you be hope for someone in need? Yes! 98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.
All you have to do is try.

-------------------------------------------
And an update on our progress:

1. Formal application to agency- complete!
2. Home study paperwork- complete!
3. Home study visit 1- complete!
4. Home study visit 2 (+10 hours of training)- complete!
5. Home study visit 3 (+10 hours of training)- complete!
6. Home study visit 4 (+10 hours of training)- complete!
7. Home study approval- complete!
8. I-800A mailed to USCIS- complete!
9. Fingerprints
10. Receive I-797
11. Dossier to China
12. Logged in dossier
13. Referral of child or match with a waiting child
14. Letter of Intent
15. I800A approval
16. Article 5 drop off
17. Article 5 pick up
18. Travel Approval
19. Travel
20. Gotcha Day

Received and routed

One more baby step:

Finally, we begin work on our dossier... the huge packet of guaranteed officially official documents that say we are not crazy, dangerous, or medically ill. In approximately 3 months, we will head to the state capitol for our state's official stamp on each notarized page to prove that the notary is indeed a notary and that our certified copies of birth certificates are really certified. Fun times.

We also have to be fingerprinted. I say "have to" because we indeed "have to," but I am oddly excited by this part of the process. The fingerprinting is also referred to as "biometrics" which sounds less criminal and more futuristic. Cool, huh?

If you are the praying type, vibing type, or a good feeling mojo sort of person, please send all the goodness our way!

It's been awhile...

Where has the summer gone? 

Time has certainly been flying these last few months. My boys are now 5 and 2, and our I800-A is winging its way to Texas for approval. 

This month will be a busy one for our family. Adam begins kindergarten, Jacob moves up to a 5-day a week preschool program, and I become a part time dossier hunter and gatherer. Todd retains his position as lead bread winner and the calm voice of reason. Although asking why we have to have new reference letters which are notarized is only going to fuel the CrAzY. No questions, please. Just DO it. 

I am still struggling with the "hurry up and wait" aspect of adoption. I stress and rush and obsess over details to submit forms, documents, and my left arm and a kidney and then... Crickets... For a month ... until we can hurriedly jump the next hurdle before waiting...again. 

And I am struggling to be patient when it comes to being matched. Todd is comfortable waiting until our dossier is in China and our agency can match us to a child in the special LID pool of children. No, that would be too easy for me. I can't shake the feeling that I NEED to find our girl. I need to click through the profiles of dozens of cute little toddlers, harass other adoption agencies as to whether or not a child's file is transferable, and wonder why there are no new faces on my own agency's waiting child pages. 

I know she is out there...waiting. She's being passed over by other families. We are her family... But how and when will we find her? 

Progress Report

We signed off on our home study today! Woo hoo!! What a relief and a giant step forward. Next, the study will be mailed to DSS and on to USCIS for approval.

For three weeks, the adoption seemed to be at a stand still. First, our case worker went on vacation (how dare she, right?), then the agency's China team went to China, and then we went to the beach (yay for the beach). Now things seem to be moving again.

Other progress: the China team spent time in Shanghai and Jiangsu during their trip to China, which means our wonderful agency will be receiving more exclusive referrals of wonderful kids in need of a home.

I cannot wait to find our girl!

But I haven't been slacking off in the cyber stalking department. There are so many precious little ones on Rainbowkids.com and other advocacy cites and blogs. My fingers are crossed that we will hear more information on a beautiful little girl with albinism.

Ok, my toes are crossed, too.

What Is Adoption?

Last summer, Love Without Boundaries asked orphaned children in four difference provinces of China about international adoption, and this video shows their answers. Most of the children in this video have been matched with families since this video was filmed, including the little girl who made the LWB team member cry because of her sincere desire for a family.

Many more children continue to wait for their families. 





I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:18

Unadoptable

As part of our adoption training, Todd and I watch documentaries about adoption, adoptive issues, and China.

A few nights ago, we watched a movie called The Blood of Yingzhou District (2007). The movie follows a few orphans whose parents died from AIDS they contracted by selling their blood for money to support their families. The clinics that collected blood donations routinely mixed the blood, removed the plasma, and then replaced the blood into the donors. If one person had AIDS, suddenly 50+ people had AIDS.

In China, due to lack of education, HIV and AIDS are highly stigmatized. Children, who may not be infected, are completely shunned because their parents died from the disease. This means that they are turned away from orphanages, schools, and even from their relatives' homes.

While China now campaigns HIV/AIDS awareness in order to educate the public on the what the disease is and how it is spread, orphans are still marked as "unadoptable."

Being the bleeding heart that I am, after watching the movie, I immediately began googling HIV in order to better educate myself. Because, truth be told, I had checked the "No" box next to HIV on our Special Needs form.

What I found was shocking...mind blowing...and I feel so GUILTY. I am guilty of being afraid of something I knew very little about. HIV cannot be contracted by LIVING near someone. HIV doesn't live in blood that has been exposed to the air. HIV is now more manageable than diabetes. People with HIV can have healthy children and have a "normal" life expectancy.

But now the really sad part... while there are many people in the United States (and around the world) who are willing to and want to adopt a beautiful child who is HIV+ or is the orphan of HIV+ parents, China makes very few of these children available for adoption. Because, unfortunately, they think, "who would want them?"

So, if you are in the process of adoption or are considering adoption. Please. Make your voices heard. HIV/AIDS is a disease. It is not a death sentence. It does not define who a person IS or IS NOT. It is just a disease. But these children...they are LIVES. They are people who need love, compassion, and a family!

Check out the links below for more information and/or to support groups that are advocating for HIV+ children. And if you pray, please pray for these children.

http://www.chfaidsorphans.com
http://positivelyorphaned.org
http://www.bloodofyingzhou.com/
http://theresnoplacelikehome-family.blogspot.com/2013/02/adopting-hiv.html

The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
-Oh, the Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss

The pretty girl was matched with another family.

I am thankful she is no longer waiting for a family to find her. I pray that she will not wait long before her new family is able to bring her home.

Now, we wait. We wait for our little girl.

I picture the prettiest little toddler you could imagine... with chubby little arms and legs. She toddles and smiles, with dimples in her cheeks and stars in her eyes. She has short little pig tails that stick out from her head like antennae. She claps and giggles as she chases her brothers.

Man... I canNOT wait to hold her in my arms.

Goosebumps

Life is full of coincidences, right? Families just happen to be matched with the "perfect" kid. Twins just happen to be adopted on the same day to parents in the same group who realize the children look awfully similar.

We just happened to consider international adoption. China just happened to become the logical choice. Our church just happens to have a Chinese congregation. Todd's cousin has adopted from China. Adam's 4k teacher just happens to have adopted twice from China and organized a group for adoptive families in our area. Two friends have mentioned to us that a local family has recently adopted a daughter from China. We just happened to go to a gathering with the adoptive families. The adopted daughter of the family just happened to be there even though her family is not yet a part of the group. 

Is it all just a coincidence? Or is there a master plan at work?

I believe we are being guided along on this journey. I believe, and it gives me goosebumps. 

Pretty Girl

About a week ago, our agency posted the profile of a little girl to their Waiting Child list. This list shows children available for adoption, and interested families can request more information and to be matched for adoption.

About a week ago, we asked for more information about the pretty girl. While she is a year or so older than what we had originally discussed, she really seems to fit our family... between the late summer birthday, the Angry Bird on her shirt (Adam was excited), and her love for outdoor activities. And who could say no to her sad, soulful eyes?

A few days ago, we asked to be considered as a match for the pretty girl.

A day ago, we heard that several families have asked to be considered.

While I remind myself that God has a plan, that there is a little girl out there destined to be our daughter, I still grieve over the pretty girl. Chances are very good that one of the other families already has a dossier in China. Those families will be considered first.

In about a week, we will know if the pretty girl is meant to be ours.

And the wait goes on...

The waiting is the hardest part

Everyday you see one more card

You take it on faith, you take it to the heart

The waiting is the hardest part

-Tom Petty

One more home study visit. One more. Then we start on our forms and dossier. One step at a time. One foot in front of the other.

We think we have a name, though. Will we have a face to go with the name? Soon?

The waiting is the hardest part.

The Name List

Adam, my four year old, loves coming up with potential names for his little sister. Some of them are great ideas... others, not so much. His list includes:

• Zesty
• Lily
• Maya
• Emily
• Molly
• Feisty

My list is a little more boring:

• Roslyn
• Lillian
• Megan
• Meredith
• Madeline

Anyone else have any suggestions?

Happy Forever

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute." Proverbs 31:8

I have been telling everyone I know to read Wish You Happy Forever by Jenny Bowen.  Jenny is the founder of the Half the Sky foundation. This foundation is transforming China's child welfare system from the inside out. She really goes to show that if one person cares enough and works hard enough, anything is possible.

Jenny and her husband were filmmakers in California when they adopted their daughter, Maya, from China. Over the course of a year, they watched her transform from a scared little waif into a healthy and happy daughter. Jenny realized that helping one child was not enough. There were so many more children existing (who could call it living?) in institutions ... tied to chairs, lying flat in cribs, abused, malnourished, riddled with parasites.

Jenny has created a whole new world for China's orphans. Here, in the US, we take so much for granted. But these children are now taken care of... medical care, education! Orphanage walls are painted in happy colors. Toys fill the rooms, and caretakers bond with their little ones.

So, what are you waiting for? Go buy the book. Read it. And donate to Half the Sky.

Because, "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, Nothing is going to get better. It's not." - Dr. Seuss, The Lorax

Progress Report

I read somewhere that an adoptive parent was told they took "the easy way out" by adopting instead of having biological kids. I guess it is easy if you don't take in account the 30 hours of mandatory training, a home study, drug screen, back ground check, endless paperwork and nail biting wait to receive a referral. Oh, and don't let me forget the travel to and from China and the years of follow up visits that continue after you bring your child home. Pshhh, it's easy peasy lemon squeezy.

It seems like we have been toiling away for months, yet we still have so much more to do before we are even close to bringing our girl home. 

Here is a break down of the steps we must take on our adoption journey.

1. Formal application to agency- complete!
2. Home study paperwork- complete!
3. Home study visit 1- complete!
4. Home study visit 2 (+10 hours of training)- complete!
5. Home study visit 3 (+10 hours of training)- 
6. Home study visit 4 (+10 hours of training)-
7. Home study approval
8. I-800A mailed to USCIS
9. Fingerprints
10. Receive I-797
11. Dossier to China
12. Logged in dossier
13. Referral of child or match with a waiting child
14. Letter of Intent
15. I800A approval
16. Article 5 drop off
17. Article 5 pick up
18. Travel Approval
19. Travel
20. Gotcha Day

Outside the Circle

Recently, I heard someone speak about being "outside of the circle." This particular circle was a symbol for the world and all the ordinary things happening at any given moment. The person talking was speaking of grief. While she grieved outside of the circle, she watched everyone inside continue with their every day lives.

This same phenomenon seems to be happening to me as we journey through the adoption process. Everyone else continues with their day-to-day lives, and I am stuck slogging through the knowledge that children are abandoned every day all over the world. Children are left in orphanages with too few workers, too few resources, and too many other children. Children with minor handicaps and special needs die because they receive little to no medical care. Even the "healthy" children suffer from parasites and disease.

I stare out at the overcast sky, sitting at my computer in my comfortable home wondering where my daughter is at this moment. Is she lying abandoned by the road, in a park, or by a building? Is she tired, cold, and hungry? Has anyone ever hugged her, kissed her, or told her that she is loved?

At the earliest, we could be traveling at the end of the year to meet our girl. At the earliest, it could be six, seven, eight months before she knows the circle of her mother's arms. Even then, how long will it take for her to know me as mama. Mama, the woman who will never leave her or let her go hungry. The woman who will give her countless kiss and hugs and I love yous.

When she is home, our family circle will be complete.

Why China?

Several people have asked, "Why adopt a child from China?" 

The short answer is:

• When we started the adoption process, China became the clear path we should take.

The long answer is:

• We ruled out domestic adoption because of the fear that the child could be "taken back." The birth mother/father/grandparent may come forward and want the child. There are many wonderful stories of domestic adoption out there, and I would never discourage anyone from adopting domestically, but it isn't for us.

• We had heard a lot about child trafficking in Eastern European countries like Moldova. We began researching adoption from several EE countries; however, with the growing tensions between Ukraine and Russia and the long waiting times for referral, we ultimately decided to look elsewhere for our daughter.

• Next, we asked an adoption agency what country they thought would be a good match for us. They suggested Haiti and Ethiopia. We started researching, but then I saw the face of an angel on the agency's waiting child page. The face belonged to a 2 year old Chinese girl with special needs. I asked Todd to pray about it, because this wasn't what we had discussed, but this program is what I wanted and needed.

I believe that there is a set path for us to take on our adoption journey. We just need to be open to it when the path reveals itself. And when I saw that sweet girl's face on the waiting child list, our pathway was clear. 

So why adopt a child from China? Well... why not?

Awesome

awe·some: adjective

1. causing feelings of fear and wonder : causing feelings of awe
2. extremely good

_____________________

I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have heard that what we are doing is awesome. We are awesome. I am awesome. For a second there, I almost believed it. YES, we are awesome. We are doing something AWESOME. But no, we are doing what we are meant to do...what we have to do. And we are simply people with hearts open and willing to love.

Todd and I have been talking about adoption for a long time. Five years? Six years? And until this spring, we did not know when, if, how it was going to happen. But this spring, we heard a message about helping one person. That a person does not necessarily have to save the world, but helping just one person makes a difference.

"So, do you still think you want to adopt?" Todd asked me one evening while we were getting our two boys ready for bed. What a supremely awesome question to be asked! And I started researching that very night.

We have prayed. We have googled. We have spoken to everyone we know.

So here we are: contract signed, one home study visit down, three more to go. Yesterday, we received our "Welcome to the China Program" message from our adoption agency. China- where women are said to hold up half the sky, but the number of baby girls is dwindling. There are books and movies about China's lost girls...the lost daughters. Our lost girl is there now. Waiting for us.

Finding her, bringing her home, loving her. That will be most awesome.