Little Bird

I have heard stories of 4 year olds coming home from China who wear size 18 month clothing because of malnutrition and their bodies being in fight or flight mode their entire lives. Stress stunts growth.

After we were home for a couple of weeks with Ava, it was time to visit the pediatrician for a check up, blood work, and vaccinations. The only real cause for concern at this time is Ava's weight. 

Fortunately, Ava has always been fed regularly but mostly plain rice and noodles. So while she came in at an amazing 40th percentile for height (a lot of kids are barely on the growth chart, if at all), her weight was ranked as less than the 5th percentile.

The pediatrician recommended adding in as many healthy fats as possible to her diet. Okay...

Ava eats like a bird.

She likes food...sort of. She likes rice, noodles, hard boiled eggs, mandarin oranges, French fries, dumplings, and chips. But she doesn't eat a whole lot of any of them...except for maybe the eggs. And google shocked me that the whites (she rarely eats the yolks) only have 17 calories each. No wonder she eats them 4 at a time.

So I started adding a little olive oil, coconut oil, or butter to her usual foods. It still didn't seem like enough.

We tried peanut butter, but after gooping up her mouth, she now passes. Adam is allergic anyway.

We tried nutella. And our little bird LOVES nutella. We must be related.

Another hit is the broth-like soup that comes with entrees at our favorite Chinese restaurant. She loves it! And fortunately for me, she also likes my homemade fried rice. 

Our fingers are crossed that all of our efforts will be rewarded at Ava's next weight check in two weeks. 

Mommy Guilt

This has been one of the hardest weeks that I can remember (it's possible that I blocked out some that were worse, but who knows).

Not only did we have the expected ups and downs with Ava, but Jacob was sick and home from school all week. Sick may be too trivial of a term... He was miserable with a horrible case of hand, foot, and mouth. His mouth was so blistered that he did not eat for a couple of days, and I was thankful for the small amounts of liquids he would drink. 

I had to keep reminding myself that he was miserable because after hours of whining and crying and screaming, I was tempted to post a Craigslist ad for "free child to good home."

I tried my best. Truly, I did. But I kept failing him, Adam, and Ava. For when Jacob would scream and cling to me, Ava would become upset and need comforting. And how do you comfort two children who want their mommy to make it all better?

You don't. 

Well, I didn't. One child would inevitably lay in the floor screaming while I tried to tend to the other before begging Jacob to Please Stop Whining and Screaming at Mommy!!!

And while I was rushing around trying to keep everyone alive and somewhat sane, I missed lunch day for moms at Adam's school and his last tee ball game of the season. 

Last night, Ava could/would not sleep. She had a happy day, but she fought sleep until close to 11pm and even then the sleep was fitful. 

Today, Jacob's blisters were much better and he was able to eat more than he had eaten all week. Ava spent lots of time outside and splashing in the kiddie pool. Adam had some one-on-one time with dad, and I...I took a nap. 

It is 9 pm and Todd is trying to get Ava to sleep. The house is quiet and calm. I feel bad for all the times I shouted at Jacob this week. He was sick and ordinarily I would have cuddled with him all week... But Ava needed me too. No one tells you how to navigate these obstacles in the adoption books. And then Todd told me this evening that I was a lot more patient with Jacob than he would have been. 

Maybe I didn't completely fail? It sure feels that way. 

"Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories."

-John Wilmot

Want some cheese with that wǒ ài nǐ?

In Mandarin, "I love you" is "wǒ ài nǐ." You run the words together quickly, "wuh-eye-knee."

Jacob has been running a fever off and on the past few days. He has needed lots of extra hugs, kisses, and I love you's. This morning, he also needed a "lecture" (how much can you really lecture a 2 year old?) on how whining will not get him what he wants no matter how bad he feels. Mommy had met and surpassed her tolerance for whine by 9 am this morning.

In the midst of my tirade of, "no more whining. Please stop being so whiny," Ava runs over with a big grin, and proclaims: "wǒ ài nǐ!" 

What is this? Is my daughter randomly and excitedly telling me that she loves me?!?!?!

No... bubble burst. 

She thinks I am telling Jacob that I love him over and over again (in an irritated and exhausted voice),  so she wanted to join in the fun of me whining "no more whining".

Now I need a synonym for whiny. Somehow thesaurus.com's suggestion of "obnoxious" doesn't seem to carry the same connotation. And while gripe and moan are pretty good synonyms for whine, they lack the wuh-eye-knee noise that sounds like an actual whine. Maybe I'm pronouncing them wrong. Maybe "stop being so gruh-eye-pee" would get the point across.

I guess I should google it first, though. It might mean "scream at the top of your lungs" in Mandarin.

Be Still

The past week has passed by in a blur... Jet lag, sickness, birthdays, tee ball games, doctor visits and laundry. Lots and lots of laundry. 

My biggest challenge since returning home was finding the time to rest. My exhaustion left me with a nasty cold and very little energy. A long afternoon nap gave my immune system the boost it needed, and I feel so much better. Sometimes, a person just needs to be still. 

Ava still has fitful nights where she rocks and flails in her sleep. For the first several nights home, I had made up a "bed" for her on the floor so that she couldn't hurt herself. 

We finally decided to bring her toddler bed into our room to see how she would do. She gladly crawled onto the mattress but rocked incessantly and wildly. I sat watching from the floor trying to decide if I should intervene or let her soothe herself a little longer. So I prayed. I prayed that I would know what to do. 

I started rocking myself a little... Unsure of whether to get up or stay sitting. Without thinking, I reached out and stroked her head... "Be still" I whispered. She relaxed. 

And I smiled. "Be still and know that I am God. " Psalm 46:10. And then I chuckled. Be still and know that I am MOM. 

While she wasn't without fitful moments that night, she only fell out of bed twice. Not bad considering how fitful she can be. 

Ava is much more peaceful during her naps. Maybe it's our, I mean, Todd's snoring that disturbs her in the night. 

When we were in China, I had my first moment of "I am an adult." I've never felt like an adult...just a kid playing dress up. But I felt it, finally. On Mother's Day, it finally dawned on me that I have THREE children. I am supposed to keep three little people alive and help mold them into responsible citizens of the world. How did that happen? I just became an adult a few days ago?!?

And then Ava hands me a booger and Jacob asks to "go ride boat, peas." 

Be still my heart. 

Happy birthday!

Happy third birthday, little munchkin! We are so glad to have you home to celebrate. 

Jacob ate a chunk of candle. 

Ava got some new wheels from Mimi and papa. 

City Mouse Country Mouse

Ava and Jacob clicked right away. They love to chase each other and squeal. They feed each other, fight over toys, and chastise each other for misbehaving. 

Jacob is one of those kids who only wants what everyone else has... He was like that before with Adam, but it is even worse with Ava. If she has a purse, he needs a purse. If she wants a bowl of rice, he wants a bowl of rice. It's funny that he draws the line at sitting on the potty. 

Jacob and Ava both love to be outside. The other day he tried to teach her the joys of throwing rocks into the lake. I don't think she enjoyed it quite as much as he did. 

Ava did enjoy running through the sprinkler with the boys. 

The kids are all big fans of the playground (no surprise here). 

And after all the fighting, the stealing of toys, and the whining, Jacob and Ava are still best buds. 

Sleep is for pansies

It's funny the things that go through your head at 3 am. I was awake at 2 from my jet lag, and just as I began to dose off, Ava woke up.

• Is there was a room in the house that I could put her in where she could safely play, but the rest of us could sleep?
• Is it too late to slip some melatonin into a sippy cup?
• Are there any countries that start with the letter "X"?
• I hope Adam doesn't wake up (I mean early, not ever)
• Is she singing?
• So tired.

After Todd got up, I crawled back to bed for a quick cat nap until 5 am.

• What are they doing out there?
• What was that bump?
• How is she so happy at 5am?
• She's a lot cuter at 5pm.

There are so many things about adoption that are LIES. LIES, I tell you. People who have no idea about adoption say things like: "oh, that's the easy way to have a kid." "You don't have to gain any weight!" "Since you're adopting a toddler, she'll sleep right through the night!"

Oh, and there are no countries that begin with the letter "X".

Random thoughts

Last night was hard. 

We have still been struggling with jet lag, and yesterday Ava became very overly tired at Adam's t-ball game. She wound up napping from 1:30 pm until 9:30 pm and awoke in a panic. She screamed and hit and threw things for about an hour until our efforts to console her made something click. She gave me a big hug, and then we hit the kitchen for a snack. 

It was sometime around 12:30 when I finally crawled back into bed. We were up again at 5:30, but we have our happy girl back. We aren't sure if or when her panic and grief will strike again, but we will be taking things easy for a while. 

She and Jacob shared a big bowl of congee and have been chasing each other with their shopping carts. 

More unexpectedly, Ava has gone to the potty multiple times this morning. 

Days 13 and 14

Day 13 is pretty much a blur. We began our day at 4:30 am in Guangzhou. We left the hotel around 5:30, and traveled by van to the Hong Kong airport. 

Our flight was a bit delayed, but the pilot said we should arrive on time. All of our flights were delayed, but we still managed to arrive on time... It's almost like they plan it that way. 

I won't bore you with all the details of our 16 hour flight. Ava handled the flight way better than expected. She had a couple of bored outbursts (she's two.. It's gonna happen) but slept several hours. 

Our arrival in Newark was a little chaotic. After leaving the plane, we had to go through immigration. Since Ava has a Chinese passport and the sealed brown mystery envelope courtesy of the US embassy in Guangzhou, we were escorted by an armed officer to a strange waiting room while someone reviewed the contents of the brown envelope. 

Five to thirty minutes later ( I lost track... Dementia had set in by that point), an officer stamped some papers and handed us Ava's passport. Welcome to America. She waved bye bye and blew kisses anyway. She's a class act. 

At some point day 13 became day 14. We travelled back in time 12 hours, so I'm not sure when. 

Our flight to Atlanta was great. None of us could keep our eyes open. 

On the drive home, Todd says, "I never thought Atlanta would seem small. And the traffic! It's great." 

We made it home just after 10 pm. We slept ok, partly because we couldn't wait to see our boys in the morning. 

Adam was the first up. Ava recognized him from the photo book we had sent and ran to give him a hug. He was a little reserved, but sometime after we gave him his present (a special edition silver Thomas train), he whispered to Todd that he likes Ava now. He kept sharing toys with her and was an excellent big brother. 

Jacob and Ava hit it off in milliseconds. I wish I had pictures but I didn't want to interrupt the moment. They play trains, chase each other, squeal and laugh better than I could have ever dreamed. 

Our main struggle right now is figuring out what foods she will eat. We do know she likes hard boiled eggs (she ate three for breakfast and fed her fourth to Jacob). She only had a few bites of the noodles I made her for lunch and vetoed the grapes, sandwich, and BBQ Pringles. 

After a long nap, we spent a little time outside riding bikes and trikes, playing in the sandbox, and looking at the lake. 

She ate a little of the congee (mushy rice stuff) that I made for her and a few pieces of mandarin orange for supper. 

She and Jacob ran and squealed and laughed until I hauled Jacob to bed. He kept saying, "I want my sissy." These two are going to keep me busy. 

Our welcome to America selfie. 

She passed right out in her car seat. 

Threes company