Beating a dead horse

Here, struck down by the heat, I fell and the children hurled themselves at me. This dreadful eruption from an unknown world made me frantic; I squealed and bucked and the air was full of sweat and noise and blood and terror […]. The spear moved forward inch by inch and the terrified squealing became a high-pitched scream. Then Jacob found my throat and the hot blood spouted over his hands. I collapsed under them […].

Ok, so maybe it wasn't quite as bad as a scene from The Lord of the Flies, but it was bad. Jacob has reached the full fledged terrible, horrible, no good, very bad twos almost threes. 

Imagine a strong willed child who thrives on doing the very opposite of what you want them to do...and not with malice or vindictiveness, but with joy... a joie de vivre. Ok, now multiply that by three. We have three children with strong personalities, with strong wills. Ok, now add on the fact that Todd and I are pretty strong willed.  It's a perfect storm for insurgency, hostage negotiations, and hunger strikes. And that's just before 8 am. 

The peace that came with Jacob and Ava sharing a room was short lived. Jacob enjoyed playing musical beds a little more than he enjoyed having a roommate. He also gave up his strong hold on the crib the night he climbed out and fell on his head. Poor Ava was shuffled from bed to crib to mattress to floor as Jacob decided that wherever she was sleeping must be the best spot. 

Todd's strategy is to divide and conquer. So far, it seems to be working much better than letting them scream and yawn and rub their eyes even though they "aren't tired, mommy."

Jacob doesn't just want all the sleeping spots for himself, he needs what everyone else has. His plea for Adam to share was adorable the first 10,000 times, "pwease gege, pwease". (Gege is big brother in Chinese). But Adam's new favorite pastime is snatching up anything he thinks Jacob might want, and then he teases him until Operation Give Mom High Blood Pressure reaches a fever pitch and someone winds up with a bandaid and mom has high blood pressure and a hankering for Oreos dipped in Nutella.

Ava's reaction to Jacob's stinginess is a little different. He takes the toy or object from her, and she screams as if he just killed a puppy in front of her so we give the toy back and she hurls the object across the room and throws herself onto the floor distraught. So now Jacob is screaming for the toy and Ava is screaming, and I am over here like, "hey, Adam, remember when you were an only child?"

Our kids are like terrorists... Well, I mean, they haven't killed anyone...yet. But you can't negotiate with them. Honestly, you can't even have a conversation with them because they only seem to hear "mwah mwah mwah" like the mom from Charlie Brown. Trying to talk to them is like beating a dead horse... You wind up exhausted and frustrated, and they just lay there wondering what your problem is. 

"Hey, Adam. Do you want to go to the pool this afternoon?"

"Mo-om, you never let me do anything fun."

"What are you talking about? I want to take you to the pool."

"You said I can never go to the pool again!!"

And that's where I should stop. Because before I know it, he has a new Minecraft toy, a cookie, and plans to go to a waterpark. 

So tonight while I'm sleeping, I'm sure they will be planning their hostile takeover and the Battle to turn mom's hair grey will be looming on the horizon. But it's all good. My life is like Groundhog Day... If my defense fails today, I can try something new tomorrow. 

We gave them fire...what were we thinking?