One step closer...

Any minute now, our agency should have our complete dossier.

We finally received the last piece of our dossier puzzle on Saturday. Our paperwork is now on its way to New York to our agency so that they can forward it to China.

***Moment of Silence***

I definitely feel a weird mixture of relief, triumph, and fear. Relief- because, let's face it, the last several months have been pretty stressful. Triumph- because we jumped some pretty big hurdles. Fear- because this is really happening now!!!

In just a few more months, we will have a new little being in our lives. There are still so many unknowns... will she like us? will she struggle to attach? will the boys like her? will there be undiagnosed medical issues? food issues? sleep issues?

I can't wait though... I can't wait to see her little face and give her hugs (against her will, if I have to). I want to love on her and teach her things. I can't wait to watch her grow!

Adoption Awareness

In honor of National Adoption Awareness Month, here are some statistics on adoption:

• In the United States, 397,122 children are living without permanent families in the foster care system.  This is roughly the same as the population of the entire country of Malta.
• Around the world, there are an estimated 153 million orphans who are living in orphanages or on the streets. This number is the equivalent to the population of Russia.
• According to the U.S. State Department, U.S. families adopted more than 7,000 children in 2012.

It takes time and the effort of many, many people to change the world. But we...YOU could change the world for one person. If you aren't familiar with the starfish story, you can read it here. It reminds me of the quote, "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."

Opening your heart to adoption is an amazing thing. Whether you open your home to foster care, domestic adoption, or international adoption, you welcome in a child who needs the love of a family. 

Please consider supporting the Superkids program which sends medical and therapy volunteers to visit children in orphanages in China. The Superkids team has met our daughter and pushed the orphanage to ready her file so that she could be adopted. 

Definitely, maybe...

I'm struggling a little...maybe a lot.

We have a stack of paperwork ready for China. It has been ready for China since Friday, October 24. We are still waiting for the home study addendum from our first agency. Why? Because the "approvals" have taken a while, and the new interagency agreement has not been received (there was already an interagency agreement but it wasn't current enough for our old agency).

So instead of being DTC (dossier to China) we are waiting...again. I sure hope all this waiting has a purpose.

During this time, I am putting together a small photo book for Ava. It will have pictures of her brothers, Todd, and me. I want to include a picture of her new home and of all the toys waiting for her.

Jacob likes to look at Ava's pictures on my phone. I have an album of her pictures, and he scrolls through pointing one by one at "Sissy." I had several photos printed to frame, but Jacob has claimed them and holds them in his grubby toddler hands... he jibber jabbers to Sissy.

A month ago, I would have said we would definitely have our log-in date (LID) with China by the end of October. Now, maybe, we will be DTC by the second week of November. Baby steps...

Here is a sneak peak at our little Ava:

This and that

Our dossier is in Washington, D.C. It should be sitting on someone's desk at the Chinese consulate. On October 27, it will be sitting on someone's desk at the adoption agency... and sometime after that we will be DTC!

Todd says I'm nesting. I dunno. I think I am simply allowing cute girl stuff into our home. Our little Ava (that's her name, Ava) has some cute little dolls, stuffed animals, and clothes. Her room will have various shades of pink and orange. There will be elephants and panda bears... I am so excited... I'm just like a mom of two boys who finally gets to shop for a girl.

I am celebrating each little milestone as it happens, but I still carry with me the weight of knowing how many more children still need families.

There is "Jesse" who has been bouncing around the shared list and other agency lists for years. Jesse recently turned 6 years old and appears healthy. Jesse's special need is a need that doesn't get talked about much. It doesn't get talked about because it makes people uncomfortable. Jesse, at this time, is not clearly defined as a girl or a boy.

Not to mention: "Janie" with scoliosis, "Doug" with a sensitive need, and "Lucas" with limb differences.

It is easy to sit back and say, "someone will adopt them." "They are receiving good care." BUT, could you begin to imagine one of your babies in an orphanage? I think of all the times that Adam had ear infections. Adam would not have had tubes in his ears if he had been an orphan. He would not have had loving arms to hold him when he had a fever or when he woke up from a nightmare.

We do not know if our Ava had someone to comfort her in the middle of the night or if she has ever gone hungry. We do not know if she gets to play outside, has her boo-boos kissed, or is told that she is loved.

I have read that the baby rooms in an orphanage are typically strangely quiet because the babies know that no one will come when they cry.

Losing It

After my latest bouts of forgetfulness, I have been working harder on being somewhat sane.

I remembered to help Adam with his homework, but I forgot his after-school cookies. We remembered to go to Adam's parent/teach conference, but I forgot his over-night bag for mimi's and papa's.

And while I am trying my best not to lose what is left of my marbles, I am also hoping and praying and crossing fingers that Fedex doesn't LOSE IT. 

It. Our dossier-- the fifteen documents that explain our entire lives from birth up until this point. It contains our medical reports, financial information, employment papers, birth certificates, and home study report. All notarized and state sealed and officially official. 

IT is on its way to a courier service in Washington, DC for the last rounds of authentication.

Dear Fedex, 

Please don't lose it.

Thanks,

Me

Goodbye Crazy Train... Hello Forgetfulville

My brain is mush.

Really... it's mush. Between the dossier gathering, notarizations, authentications, regathering documents, renotarizations, and reauthentications, and elementary school events, and preschool events... did I brush my teeth this morning?

What was I saying?

Oh yeah, mush. I can't remember anything. I think it is time for one of those giant wall calendars so I can function. Sure, I could put it all in my iPhone but that just seems like so much work. Sorry Steve Jobs.

Today, Adam had a field trip to Denver Downs (a local farm with a pumpkin patch, corn maze, and hay ride). I have no idea if I signed him up for a bagged lunch or to bring his lunch. I really hope I chose the bagged lunch or he is going to be VERY hungry when I pick him up from school today.

I also forgot to let my doctor know when and who would be notarizing my medical form (sorry, Ted).

On the bright side, I did remember to pick up Jacob from preschool this morning. I was only a few minutes later than usual.

Too bad today was Farm Day and I completely missed it.

Riding on the Crazy Train

Here I am again... waiting...

We finally did it. We were able to get all of our dossier documents. And now, Todd is in the state capital trying to get the notarizations certified. We are expecting some to be rejected because apparently some people can't do their jobs. But I digress.

It is funny when I vent my frustrations to people within the adoption community. I always receive the same response: maniacal laughter.

I told one adoptive mom that I was going to wind up in the fetal position calling for my mommy...laughter. Been there, done that. I asked the adoption agency, "how many people get to this point and just give up?" laughter... yeah. 

I hope our family has a good laugh about all of this someday long after our little girl is home. I want to tell her the stories of my stress and worry and what ifs... and then we can laugh at how it worked out so perfectly. That my sanity was not lost in vain.